LIFESTYLE | Asian Guilt
Hiya Guys!
There’s a lot going on right now in the Asian Community and I felt compelled to write about the #stopasianhate movement. I’ve been staying a bit under the radar because quite frankly I’m not sure how to approach the whole situation. I want to preference this article with the fact that this is my own personal honest perspective … and let you all know that I don’t have an answer and can only share my own personal experiences. When the movement first started I am ashamed to say I STAYED SILENT. I knew I felt sad but I didn’t know how to to express my feelings.
So I decided to start a conversation with some of my closest friends about the movement and it brought so much clarity because I felt the same way they did. One of my friends mentioned … “that when it came to the #BLM movement it was a no brainer she hopped on and started becoming an ally so easily but it when it came to the #stopasianhate movement she was silent. Maybe it’s because we were not use to speaking up.” THIS REALLY HIT ME A LOT. For me personally, it’s easy for me to stand up for injustice for others but not for myself. I don’t know if it’s because of a sense of guilt. I call it ASIAN GUILT.
My story is a bit personal and unique. My husband is Black and I’m Cambodian … When BLM first happened I understood. I only really UNDERSTOOD after dating him, I witnessed first hand how he would get treated. He would get randomly pulled over for nothing, people would walk to the other side of the street when seeing him, or just plain simply not letting him into the clubs because his t-shirt was too plain (this was back in our early 20’s). The most racism I’ve ever experienced on my own was, people randomly saying “ching chong chang” as they were walking by or “me sooo horny” and something with the extent of having “yellow fever”. The difference was that for my experiences it was only words and never physical actions of hate.
So immediately, when the movement happened I felt guilty and a bit weird to speak up. I felt guilt because what I experienced wasn’t as bad … but this is also why I’m wrong. Words from my wise husband, “People shouldn’t wait for something really bad to happen to speak up. They should speak up to prevent those bad things from happening.”
Although, I feel truly uncomfortable here’s my way of speaking up. I wanna tell you:
IT’S OKAY NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. It’s fairly new for the Asian Community to speak up in public. Everyone is still trying to figure out how to navigate through these new times.
MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE. It took me a few weeks to digest my feelings and thoughts. Take your time and feel out your feelings at your own pace.
DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR SPEAKING OR NOT SPEAKING UP. If you decide to speak up good for you and don’t feel guilty for demanding equality. If you’re not speaking up don’t feel guilty because it takes time to overcome some internal struggles of past trauma - i don’t blame you! We should not judge one another expect we should support each other’s choices.
DO SOMETHING. Whether it’s having an intimate conversation with your family and friends, donating money or time, or even posting. The only real way change will occur is if you DO SOMETHING!
Peace & Love,
-Melissa Khoeum Barnett